but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The air was thick with penises
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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