And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
babies were throwing up all over the place
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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