My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize