dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
