I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
