just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
