Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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