I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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