The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Randomize
