dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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