Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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