I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
