Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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