if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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