I can't watch pbs sober anymore
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
