Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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