Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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