My first STD was from a foam party
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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