as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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