I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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