I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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