Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
