I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
