dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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