I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
