fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She's the barista slut.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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