I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
