you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
