you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
