Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
