FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize