I want to stick my p in your. b.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
