He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You work out of a Hotel?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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