Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
