i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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