Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
