i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Will you blow on my dice?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
