Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
