he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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