The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
