having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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