I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
3pm strippers are depressing
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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