I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
