I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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