He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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