i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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