Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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