yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
