the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
