No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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