I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
