mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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