she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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