I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
