Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
