omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Houston, we have a blender
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize