guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
