i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
