Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
